


and despite everything I'm still human

by hotpielookedlikehotpie



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Gen, alternative universe, etc - Freeform, lmao starts up a ship tag for pacific rim w/ this fic woops, throws self back into fic writing because of robots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-30
Updated: 2013-07-30
Packaged: 2017-12-21 20:16:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/904447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotpielookedlikehotpie/pseuds/hotpielookedlikehotpie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <b>AU</b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br/><i>Kaiju blood kills those that come in contact with it, but the blood of a brother on your hands is a slower suffocation that leaves you living when all you want is to have followed.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	and despite everything I'm still human

**Author's Note:**

> I thought up this idea for an au on a whim and sent it to Emily, who proceeded to yell at me. I decided I'd write a quick drabble, and then ended up ~1300 words in. life, etc  
> YEAH MAN so let's welcome me back to fic writing it's been a Bit Too Long. I have a new(ish compared to last time I've posted on here) blog where I posted the beginning of this the other day. my url there is vaettur.tumblr.com  
> posted on tumblr [here](http://vaettur.tumblr.com/post/56840789895/and-despite-everything-im-still-human-on-ao3)
> 
>  
> 
> used canon of movie and comic prequel for this fic
> 
>  
> 
> title comes from the song "human" by daughter

It's just on the breach of midnight, almost Saturday, and the man sits alone at the bar. Not alone as in the only person in a dive bar, because he's not the only one in the least. There's a whole crowd there, loud and drunk, and they're in a celebratory mood. At least the man guesses such. To be honest, he's not paying too much attention to anyone. He just knows they're loud and drunk. He's quiet and alone in that crowded room and lonely kind of way, the only company is his beer that sweats the bottle it's in. He doesn't even like this beer; it's his brother's favorite, not his. 23:59, and he sighs. It was his brother's favorite. His left arm holds the beer and it takes all of his concentration to bring it up to his mouth. It hurts. He shouldn't be using the left arm, still, even after all the physical therapy he took years ago. The doctor's told him to only have it in use when necessary. But it is necessary now. The pain feels like the grief of losing his brother right in front of his eyes.

His watch beeps for 00:00.  
His beer is finished and he signals for another of the piss water that his brother used to always enjoy after they won a battle against a Kaiju. He got himself a shot of Jameson as well, to help with the buzz he is chasing after. He raises the shotglass and murmurs to himself, "Happy birthday Raleigh." The kid would've been twenty–seven today. Should be. His left arm shakes as he puts the shot down and chases it with the horrible beer that really shouldn't even be considered a goddamn beverage at all and damn, why didn't he have more time to give his little brother good guidance on better beer?

He knows the answer. _Because we were goddamn fools._ Yancy figures he still is one, but all it did for his brother was get him dead. He tries to block his brother's last moments from where they're trying to take over his mind. He doesn't watch the television because all it is is Kaijus, Jaeger programs to be disassembled, and the name count of the dead. On the day his brother died Yancy watched the separate death roll call, one that had less names and took more time, for the Fallen Rangers. It was up for a moment, followed by a report given summarizing the Becket Brother's last mission together, their courage to help everyone they could, even the fishing boat of ten men, and the ultimate sacrifice of the youngest, Raleigh Becket, twenty–two and on the left side of the drift. It didn't mention how the ten in the fishing boat were listed in the regular death count, how in the end their sacrifice to save ten people got eleven killed before the Kaiju was destroyed. His face was shown and they closed how they always did when Rangers went down. _Rest in peace now, Ranger, your fight is done._ And then the program was over, and Raleigh Becket's name was never again on the television.

Neither for Yancy as well. His brother's last run in a Jaeger was his own last also. He made it to shore alone, was thrown into the medical unit at the base, gave his written report –– cold, just the facts, and it took everything in him to not write how stupid they were, how Raleigh, Raleigh is his brother and was dead and _god why is it so fucking quiet in my goddamn mind I think I'm going crazy it's too quiet Raleigh, kid, don't get cocky now, Raleigh, we both were, Raleigh, Raleigh_ –– and took a leave of absence from the Marshall to grieve, not ever coming back to the team to return. 

Marshall Pentecost tried calling him the first couple of times –– _We expect you back at 0800, you're supposed to be here, Ranger, where are you? You can't hide from your demons there are monsters knocking on your door._ Tendo Choi tried calling a couple of times too –– _Hey there, my brother! wait, shit, I'm starting this wrong. Dammit. It's taken me this many weeks to get myself to call you and I fuck it up. [sighs] Listen, Yanc, you are a brother to me. That word is probably not one you want to hear right now but, shit, man, I'm worried about you. I miss you, alright? We've been through too much for you to just cut me off right now. Let me in._

Yancy never deleted the messages but never returned the calls either. The thing is he can't let another person in. He had his brother in his mind, two people completely in sync, and the thought of trying to talk and open up to someone with words, with just simple wisps of words that can easily be lied or manipulated and never cover how deep, how deep you can truly trust someone, how it feels to feel your little brother that you were always supposed to look after and promised your parents that you'd do be ripped away from your own brain, the silence that it feels to have no one else in there even when there's a damn monstrous alien circling you ready to have you join him in his watery grave.

Yancy still doesn't get it. Why he didn't let himself get taken also. Well, okay, he knows why. His goddamn sense of duty told him that he somehow had to stay standing, had to not lose himself in the drift until the monster took him as well, to kill the thing and make it back to shore. He did what he needed, and then he disappeared. He got himself on the Los Angeles base several months later, away from the people that really knew him –– Hansen, Pentecost, Choi, away from all of them and that –– and although the people there of course knew his name and story, they didn't know it. He sat behind desks and worked at the logistics of the Jaegers. Helped new recruits train. And every night lost himself in his brother's last word, his name shouted, "YANCY," somehow heard perfectly over the fight and the rain and the ocean but well, of course it was because it was less his last words and more his last thought.

He signals another hand gesture to the bartender who got him another beer. _Another_ signal and the bartender, hesitantly, gets him another shot as well.

All of the Jaeger bases were shut down or being shut down and so Yancy made his way more inland where it would take longer for the inevitable attack to reach him. He lost himself in hostels and cheap hotels, decided to see the natural wonders of National Parks throughout his time so he could tell himself he's traveling and sight seeing instead of running away. Him and Raleigh always spoke of doing it, a road trip. With the world ending, Yancy figures he may as well get some sightseeing in before he dies as well, his brother's name the last thing on his lips because what else could be his last words, what else would fit?

"You stick out like a sore thumb with your enthusiasm and friendliness, Mister Becket." A figure sits next to him and Yancy immediately straightens up and stares straight ahead. It's a habit he picked up to automatically refer to when he heard the voice of Marshall Stacker Pentecost. He turns to the man and watches as he orders a scotch on the rocks. 

Yancy slumps again because there is no way that Pentecost just so happened to be in the area of who knows where, USA and wanted a drink. Yancy knows the man's about to ease into some mission, something that he wants Yancy to help with. Yancy uses his right hand to pick up his shot glass because he doesn't need this person, of all people, to see his unnecessary pain he's inflicting on himself (but no, it's quite necessary, he knows that), clinks his shot glass against the man's glass and downs it because he knows he's not going to be able to say no.

"It's been a long––" but Yancy stops himself because what is he trying to say? It's been a long day? It's been a long life? Everyone's had a long day and life, the man next to him no different, but they're all fighting to make sure they still have long days and lives, something the Kaiju are desperately against. "It's been long." He settles on, a different approach, and Pentecost nods.

"What have you been up to since you disappeared from my stations?" The man asks.

Yancy winces. It's been a while since he's been under the scrutiny and questioning of Marshall Stacker Pentecost, and he just remembers now how much he didn't miss it. The man could get anyone to own up to their wrongs and their duties in one shot, something he's sure the man is banking on right now. "I was in Los Angeles," Yancy started. Of course Pentecost knows that, him and Choi and all of them did because the moment he joined that team their calls started coming again until they truly got the hint of the other side never picking up or returning calls. "Helping behind the scenes, new recruits, missions. Doing my part. When word came around of the shutdown I started out on going to every National Park I could."

"You've become a hard man to find, Mister Becket." 

Yancy doesn't say it because he doesn't need to. _That's just the way I like it_. Instead, he says aloud, "And yet, you found me." 

Pentecost is quiet for a bit and doesn't touch his drink. He finally, without looking at Yancy, tells him, "You're going to need to shave, Mister Becket." Over the years Yancy let his beard grow and every now and then he'd shave most of it off or trim it, but it seemed acceptable with the way he was living. Clean shaven was a look from his days with PPDC, and besides, he looked more like Raleigh with a clean face. He became sick of the flash of a ghost staring at him in the mirror.

But Yancy doesn't ask what Pentecost meant because he knows. And even more, he knows he won't disagree, just like the man knew. He just pays for his drinks, the last beer left barely drunk, pays for the Marshall's as well as he stands, and the two file out to get to wherever the helicopter is waiting for them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He makes a request, after he shaves his beard of course. He asks the Marshall if they could stop at Alaska before making it to Hong Kong, where the last Shatterdome is going to become his new home until the war is over or he's dead, whichever comes first. The Marshall is silent and still until he just nods and brings his hand up to his nose, quickly pivoting and walking away without a word. 

Yancy hasn't been back to home soil since the death and the funeral of his brother. Having a base in his homestate felt comforting until it became suffocating. When Yancy left the service for the empty grave of Raleigh Becket he kept on walking until he got on a plane, destination: get the fuck out of here. It's another weight upon him of guilt and grief, that he hasn't come back to pay his respects. Marshall leaves him alone when the helicopter lands and he quickly gets himself into the Fallen Rangers section of the graveyard. Most of the graves are empty, like his brother's, but some actually are true graves with real decomposing bodies underneath. There aren't many though.

It doesn't take him long and even though he has only been here once his feet work on autopilot as he finds himself in front of a grave that he has to wipe the snow off to read. It's cold but he doesn't feel it anywhere except for in his damn left arm, the side where his brother always stood and co–piloted. The pain feels empty. 

He crouches at the grave, traces over the words "Brother and Co–Pilot" that are engraved in it, not looking at the date of birth–date of death, the other descriptions of his brother, the quote, the name, anything else. Just brother, co–pilot, brother, co–pilot, brother, co–pilot. _Hey kid_ , he thinks and doesn't say aloud, because that's how they said the really important things to each other, in the drift and through their heads. They'd shout tactics and information and celebrations to each other but the important things, something like this, they always found time in the drift for. _Raleigh it's been shit without you. Raleigh I'm not doing too well and I haven't been for a while and I think you can tell. The war is still happening but for some time I've been pretending it's not. It's knocking at my door again though. The Marshall has me going to Hong Kong for some last minute and probably desperate calls. I'm sorry it's been so long but I know that you know it's not that I've forgotten you. I'm gonna try and end this, Raleigh. This war that we used to fight side by side in. I don't know what the Marshall is planning for me to do, but I hope, somehow, I can make you proud of your older brother, kid._

As he walks away he adds the thing that he knows his brother would be mad at. _And if I can't, I'll see you soon anyway so it doesn't matter._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When the Marshall tells him that Gipsy Danger is back up and running, Yancy already knows what the man is going to ask of him, and dammit, if he could ever hate the man it's at this moment. He shakes his head and walks away, saying he works on the other side of the team now, he's not about to step into another Jaeger with someone else (there's no one else), but they both know in the end it's Duty that Yancy gives into, not grief. But he tells himself that he's not going to do it, that he'll resist this part because he has to, because truly, he knows it, there's no one left that he can drift with. It's not that there's only one person in the world for each person that is drift compatible, but more for the fact that the part of a human that allows others in and trusts and creates bonds was cut off the moment Raleigh disconnected from the drift and was flung out to the sea by the Kaiju.

A woman by the name of Mako Mori meets them with umbrellas because of course they land in the middle of a storm. _Our brightest,_ Pentecost tells him of Miss Mori in a tone of pride that Yancy can tell he tries to keep at bay but it still shines through and damn, if Yancy isn't intrigued by the idea that someone can get under the Marshall's layers to have some tone of emotion in their introduction. 

Mako Mori tells the Marshall something in Japanese but it's been so long since he's tried to even listen to anything in his native tongue that all of the different languages he used to know and study seem to be gone from his mind without even realizing it. Yancy considers asking what she said but doesn't because obviously, if she wanted him to know what she was saying, she'd say it in English. He can't push himself to try hard to prod, but it just becomes another interesting part of this woman. He has a feeling it's something about him because soon enough she's talking in English and they're walking inside and out of the storm. He meets the research team as well, two guys that don't seem to understand how to truly socially interact but then again, who is Yancy to talk, he's pretty sure the last true conversation he had that wasn't necessary for work was over five years ago.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I want you piloting Gipsy Danger," Marshall tells him after he's settled in. 

"Then bring back my brother from the dead so I can have my co–pilot back," he shoots back, tired from the stress and the mourning and the flight and the tour, he just wants to sleep and not have this talk again when his resistance is as tired as he is.

Marshall is silent because he knows what it's like, he knows how it feels to lose a co–pilot and never want to return back to the machine with someone new. 

"You'd rather two strangers piloting her, Ranger?" He asks, using Yancy's rank because still, the man's a Ranger and he knows that there is the co–pilot bond, and then there's the bond the Ranger will feel with the Jaeger. The Jaeger is Theirs, and the thought of others in it should only be a thing that happens because both pilots are dead.

Yancy slumps against the door to his room and in his mind he says that he'd rather the Becket brothers piloting but he doesn't want to keep beating the dead horse of his grief to this man. Everyone's lost somebody. It's war. A shit one at that that doesn't seem hopeful. But being connected to his brother in the drift ... he doesn't know of anyone else who's gone through that. When a Ranger dies the co–pilots usually go together. It's a certain shade of hell to be left over, and he's sure that although others haven't experienced it, other Rangers can understand at least some of the kind of horror that goes into it.

"Is there anybody even on the charts for the compatibility levels to drift with me?" Yancy asks tiredly, because he may as well get the information he can on all of this.

"I've created a list of candidates that you will be tested with tomorrow morning." It's Mako Mori, he didn't even realize that she was still here.

He sighs. "And what if we go through your list and no one fits?" It's a very possible outcome. Probable.

He can feel Mako's annoyance at the suggestion, and maybe he should feel bad because he basically just told her that he doesn't believe in her ability to pick out the right person. But it's not that, it's Yancy himself that's the problem. "If you can find it in you to get over yourself, for just a moment, Mister Becket, and open yourself up in the fight, I'm sure we can find your co–pilot and all go on to fight the war we need to." 

Yancy raises his eyebrow in surprise and looks over at the woman. The Marshall is gone, which is probably why she felt the ability to say this to him. "I'll try to remember that then, Miss Mako," he murmurs.

Her eyes are wide. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to––"

He holds his hand up. "Don't," He stops her apology as he opens the door and sets his things down. She lingers by the door but doesn't dare step in. "You did mean to. Don't take it away just because it was the slap in the face I needed. I deserved it. I have my grief but we all have it. I'm sure you do too. Have you lost someone to the war?" 

A dark look crosses her face and her jaw straightens, her posture tightens, and she nods.

"Right. So I have to do what I have to do." He breathes deep and pulls out the photographs he brought with him, of Alaska, of him and his brother during their childhood up to their Ranger days, of the parts of the US he got to in his touring of it. He settles on the photo of him and Raleigh in their Ranger Jackets, smiling and wearing their dogtags outside of their shirt, proud and fierce and happy to be fighting for humanity. He sees Mako looking at the photo and he smiles a bit as he shows it to her. "My brother. Raleigh. We were a good team. We were good at fighting and winning. And then we weren't." 

"What was he like?" She asks, almost running over Yancy talking, and she's staring at the photograph. 

He's grateful for her question and he smiles because this he can talk about, this, this he can go on forever about and remember the good times with Raleigh, even the good fights with Raleigh, instead of just the fight that killed him.

"God, he was such a little shit," Yancy says, laughing, and when he looks up he sees Mako give a small smile of amusement, prodding for more. "But I loved –– love him. He was always my rock, y'know? We grew up close and I took that older brother persona of beating up anyone that wronged him at school. He made me feel good and important and for the most part, kept me out of trouble because I wanted to be better because of him. Y'know?" Mako shakes her head. "Only child?" He questions.

She nods then. "I lost my family in an attack when I was young, but I have my father."

He nods, and continues talking about Raleigh. "Well, we were still just teenagers when the first attack came around. I was eighteen and he fifteen. All we had on our plate at that point should've been school, college if we wanted to do it, friends, girls, parents to deal with. But instead we watched the beginning of the end of the world. We trained together for PPDC, and although we weren't too sure of how far we'd be able to go, we got further than others because of a very important detail. Drift compatibility. We became aware of how much we were when we started going through the training. Our mannerisms over the year formed into one another's, our histories already molded close enough. If I didn't have my brother I don't know if I could make it through the training, and I don't know after that what I'd end up doing." He looks up and sees Mako looking at the photograph of the two of them again, a certain bittersweet smile on her face. "I can't help but want him here beside me as we go to do whatever crazy things the mission the Marshall has planned for us.  
Not have to go through these tests for compatibility." He sighs but then chuckles, making Mako look up at him. "He'd get under your skin faster than you could say 'Pan–Pacific Defense Corps.'"

She scrunches her nose up and raises her eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

Yancy goes to scratch at beard or stubble, but realizes that he's cleanshaven and it feels odd. "You're a very silent but challenging individual. I noticed it right away, but I didn't want to prod you because, well, I didn't have it in me. But the kid would've. He would've prodded until he made a nice little space for himself in your mind that became the voice of all of those annoying thoughts you get."

She shook her head. "He would've been more mature by now," she dismisses it.

He pauses and then throws the pictures on the bed, knowing in about five minutes he's going to regret it because all he'll want to do is lie on his bed and sleep. He looks up at Mako, and she looks like she's about to apologize again but he's okay with it. "Yeah, he probably would have. By now a lot of the cocky Jaeger pilot would've washed off. If maybe I died instead of him, or if we just kept fighting, although in that scenario I don't know if we're good enough that we would've kept on surviving. But the fact of the matter is is that I know my brother, and there's some parts of you that just don't mature out. The kid was a prickly one, no matter how mature he got. You got that in you too. I don't mean it as an offense, I see that part in you that you try and keep hidden in front of the Marshall and everyone else, however you think this new old has–been that just got here can take it. Thanks for that. I'm not feeling as sorry for myself anymore. I know what I have to do." He rifles through his bag to find sleeping pants, but stops to look at the woman standing near his door but still not inside yet. "I have my crosses to bear. But I just don't know if I'll be able to have someone else bear them as well. To have another person up here," he points to his head, "is not only about how much it's asking of me, but it's asking a lot from the other person as well." He can only imagine the shock and terror a rookie thirsty to fight would feel trying to riddle themselves through Yancy's grief and trauma. 

Mako smiles but it's a sad sort of accepting kind of smile. "If the drift is there, the pilots can get through it." Something all Rangers believe in, but she says it so solidly it sounds repeated and rehearsed, and he knows that this is just a phrase she was told over and over again and doesn't truly believe in. No one can, not until you are a Ranger with a co–pilot and go through the drift.

"You training to be a pilot, Miss Mori?" and she nods. "Are you on my list for tomorrow? All this talk is giving you an unfair advantage."

She bows her head and shakes it. "I'm not on the list for tomorrow. I am not ready."

 _Neither am I,_ he wants to say to her but doesn't. Because it seems she already can hear it and she continues, "The Marshall tells me I'm not ready, and I will listen and wait for when I am."

Yancy nods, gets it, gets how obeying the Marshall is so much easier than standing up against him. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow morning then, when I face the hand–picked candidates of yours."

Mako nods, and makes her way to her door across the hall and Yancy closes the door, stripping to boxers and getting his sleeping pants on. Like he knew, he regrets throwing the pictures on his bed. All of his exhaustion from the day, the years, from everything seems to weigh him down more and more every minute and he just scoops the photographs up to get them out of the way.

He collapses but it takes him time to fall asleep, no matter how tired he is. It's always a struggle to fall asleep and wake up. His brother was the one that could go from asleep to awake in three seconds, the day beginning the moment his eyes opened. He did just that on the day of the attack that killed him, woke so quickly to his death that waited for him. Kid, don't get cocky, Yancy told him after it took slapping his face and the alarm and Raleigh's energetic buzzing to get him to stumble awake. It was a tradition to say that before their fights, he said it first years ago and it stuck as one of their Things. All Rangers had their own set of superstitions with their co–pilots. There's was Yancy telling Raleigh "don't get cocky," and then both of them getting cocky and doing something stupid and saving the day.

He turns over with a huff, alone and tired. Well, not always saving the day. Not always fully.

He trips and stumbles on his way to sleep, where the night grows ripping at him and it's nothing new.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Candidate Thirteen."

Yancy spits and shakes his head to stop the sweat beads that are dripping down his face as he tries to catch his breath and get ready to face Candidate Thirteen. Candidate Thirteen, who doesn't have a name to him (yet or ever), will this person finagle themself into all the cracks of his brain? It's odd, going through the trials of finding a co–pilot, of it not being something automatic and his brother. That he has to find a compatibility with a stranger and then give himself entirely to them so they can fight a war. 

It hasn't worked yet, like he figured. He's to the thirteenth one and he's sweating and getting tired and he's beaten all the candidates. Candidate Thirteen seems like he's been plucked straight from high school, the kid is cocky and has a strut and his smile just shines. Candidate Thirteen already in his mind is a Jaeger Pilot, already a hero, and is already probably using the Academy as a line at the bar to get in the beds of some girl or a few. _Or into their cars_ , Yancy adds in his mind, thinking of Naomi, thinking of his brother finding out of Naomi, thinking of how dumb and strutting he was too, and he knows that this candidate won't work either. Maybe if he was still in his early twenties, maybe it was in the early days and counting kills was a race with other pilots. Maybe if his brother was still alive, but then Yancy wouldn't need another co–pilot, so before he even steps into position, Yancy already won.

And he did. He beats the kid the fastest of any of the other ones and he sees both Stacker Pentecost and Mako Mori get more and more frustrated at it. Stacker, he knows, is frustrated because he needs his team now and he needs the drift test run and then he needs them ready for the next Kaiju attack. Mako though, Mako he's sure is getting frustrated because she's taking it personal, just like how she took his comment the night before personal. She picked these people and none of them are right.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They're through to almost twenty candidates, not quite, and he can almost hear Stacker's sigh of disappointment before he tells them all they're dismissed until after lunch. Yancy is grateful because he is tired and can definitely use some time off to not have to deal with any of this. To pretend that he's walking down these hallways that are so much like the ones of the base back home and that he already has a co–pilot wrapped up in the body of his little brother. When his mind wanders, thinking of him, of Raleigh, it's like it's literally wandering, searching for thoughts from Raleigh, searching for their brain waves to be near each other and aware of each other but he comes up empty and it hits harder than any grief or mourning that can happen. It's like being in post drift and a thousand miles away from your co–pilot at the same time, and knowing you'll never see them again. 

Yancy... Yancy was connected to his brother when his brother was ripped away from him and tossed into the sea. Yancy felt his hopelessness, his fear, felt his cry through his brains, and sometimes, late at night, he wakes up to how it was all for Raleigh from his point of view, wakes up from a dream where he stares at himself, at the man and brother named Yancy, nervous, scared, the head of Gipsy Danger broken into and the Kaiju looming behind him, somewhere, looking at himself, at Yancy, yelling for Yancy and screaming for Yancy as he's ripped away and thrown out to sea, into something more deep and more scary and much much more lonely than the sea. Those dreams are always the worst; the ones he has from Raleigh's last connections to him in the neural handshake, feeling and seeing what he did.

He's walking on autopilot, his feet somehow shuffling in perfect timing left right left right, but he's drowning, he's not lost in the drift he's lost at sea and sinking with his brother, wondering if Raleigh died in the middle of the air or if the Kaiju beat him bloody or if he drowned or froze to death or maybe he somehow stayed alive long enough to see Yancy beat the Kaiju and navigate Gipsy away to the edge of the land and collapse. Because that's what he doesn't know, that's what is completely gone from his mind because Raleigh was forced out of the drift and suddenly was gone and Yancy, Yancy was left with both silence and the screaming reality that was crashing around him and he was just a kid and Yancy was too, still feels it too but he's also an old man with regrets and Yancy doesn't know how, doesn't know when––

"Yancy," a voice calls out and it stops Yancy's plummet and his feet, bringing him back to the present. He focuses his eyes back to the present and sees that he's in a long corridor, almost alone except apparently, for the person who called for him but that person is behind him. He's breathing heavily, inches away from a panic attack or maybe in the middle of one, he's not really sure where he is with it all or anything but he just tries to focus on the fact that someone is there with him, called for him, and he should turn and address them. Another big deep breath and Yancy tells himself, _come on, pull yourself together._

_Pull yourself together kid, kid, don't get cocky, kid, let's do this, are you ready? Kid? Kid, Raleigh, I can't do this, kid, Raleigh, don't turn your head, Raleigh, Raleigh, are you––_

He turns and sees a man from another lifetime of his. "Tendo," he says on a sigh and walks closer to him. When he was younger he'd try to hold back the tears that are threatening to come to his eyes but he lets them shine through because this is Tendo, and Tendo, he knows, will get it and he understands enough, and besides, Yancy was so damn close to just collapsing and ending up in the fetal position and crying so just a couple of tears stuck in his eyes is fine. He clasps the man in a hard embrace and holds him harder than he thought he could anymore. When he steps back he still keeps his hands on the man's shoulders and the two just grin at each other. It's been years since they've seen one another and they both know that it's Yancy's fault, not only his fault but he _meant_ to do it.

"It's been too long," Tendo says as their hands come down and Yancy looks away for a bit.

He sighs and looks back. "I know...I'm, I'm sorry––"

"I get it," Tendo says quickly. He pauses and then continues on. "I get it. Doesn't make it okay. Not saying it did, just saying I get it."

Yancy smiles morbidly and nods, knowing that somehow, these bridges he lit all on fire in his grief he somehow has to rebuild and slosh through the mud to do so.

Footsteps break through the two of them and Yancy sees Mako Mori walk past, looking too intently at her clipboard like she's trying really hard to make them think that she doesn't hear or see anything that the two of them are talking about or anything, but Yancy knows better. Knows that part of her already. Mako Mori heard and saw it all, maybe even saw Yancy's autopilot walk down to a panic attack and probably could feel the tension within him in the air because he was sure it was so thick, he could barely breathe at that point.

"You wanna catch a breath and catch up at lunch with me?" Yancy asks.

"Not eating in the mess hall. Have to stay on breach watch nowadays. I'm just grabbing myself all the coffee cups I can, maybe a bagel or something. But I heard you were brought in as Stacker's Crazy Idea and I wasn't sure if I could believe it, that Yancy Becket would make his way back."

Yancy grimaces. He doesn't really like his last name too much and hates that he's back in the environment that insists on calling him by it (remembering when calling it had two people respond, two co–pilots, two brothers–) but answers every time and doesn't try to change it, knowing that it wont' be changed. "I'm here. I'm here and not willingly but I was asked to come and it's my duty just like everyone else's. We have a world to save, right? I have to do all I can, or die trying."

Tendo notices the fervor that picked up in Yancy's voice in the end, how determined he sounds more about how he will die trying and less about his duty and he knows, knows what this idiots plan is. He shakes his head. "Don't you dare even consider a suicide mission. Not on my watch, or the Marshall's, or Hansen's. We all are worried already about you, and are paying attention, okay? Don't just save the world and get yourself killed in the process. If not for yourself, for whoever the hell is going to be attached to you in that damn Jaeger of yours."

Yancy is breathing heavily again and just stands there and nods for a bit, convincing himself in his brain how he can't die trying, not if he can help it. He's going to be hooked up to some other person, someone he has some sort of ability of connection with since they'll be drift compatible, and Yancy knows that he cannot let whoever it is that ends up with him die because there's already so much blood on his hands that won't scrub off. Kaiju blood kills those that come in contact with, but the blood of a brother on your hands is a slower suffocation that leaves you living when all you want is to have followed, to have the same fate, to consider the idea of both of you going down together and even letting the Kaiju get to land and get through to innocent lives because what can you do? You're dead and you're a hero or at least you tried to be but everyone will remember your sacrifice instead of making you live each day with it as a weight upon your heart.

"I know.... I know... Tendo... It's just really hard somedays. I forget how hard it must be going for everyone else as well." 

Tendo nods and flicks his one suspender, looking at it as he does. "No I get it, I really do man. And I know losing Raleigh hit you harder than anyone else but listen, Yanc... That day, we didn't just lose Raleigh. We lost you too."

Yancy reaches for Tendo again and embraces him, the closest thing he has left to family, he's sure of. "I was so selfish in my grief... I still am ... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Tendo. I'm sorry, brother." 

Tendo squeezes him harder and then lets go at that. He gives him a smile and says, "Well brother, my coffee is calling for me. I'll be hounding you out if you think for one more second you can ignore me anymore."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The mess hall is, well, messy. And cluttered. And loud and overwhelming and Yancy doesn't know a person here for the most part besides Candidate Number Blank and a few other behind the scenes crew members. They shoot him expectant glances as he goes through the line to get his food and he already feels on edge of where to sit. It's like he's back in high school on the first day, and the first place you sit and who you sit with decides the rest of your entire life. Of course that was dramatic back then. And he's certain it's dramatic for now, too. Kind of certain. For the most part.

Mako Mori is ahead of him on the line to get a piece of bread and it feels easier to breathe because he knows her, kind of, he guesses, and she's not expecting to get extra points to be his co–pilot and save the world, and she's... a steady piece. "Mako," he calls for her. She turns to look at him, surprised, and he quickly scrambles. "Sorry. I mean, uh, Miss Mori. Sorry. Miss Mori–"

She shakes her head. "You can call me Mako. And I can call you Yancy."

Yancy pulls at his hair (a nervous habit he picked up from his brother in the drift) and nods. "Okay, okay, okay, yeah. That's better. Okay then, Mako, listen–"

She smirks at this stuttering man in front of her and crosses her arms. There's still people behind them on the line but they're far enough to the side that the people can get bread if they want it and just walk around them. "You want to sit with me at lunch?" She asks for him, raising her one eyebrow.

"God, please." He huffs out, and laughs at how desperate he sounds, how desperate he feels. "It's just, everyone else in this place is a ghost of my past, or looking at me like I'm still who I used to be, or is a stranger, or is someone who is trying to force a connection with me so they can get their ticket to a Jaeger that helps save the world and you're––" he stops himself and takes a breath. His adrenaline is apparently still spiked from all the matches with the candidates as well as his panic attack that fell into reuniting with Tendo. "You're just... you're a breath of fresh air."

She thinks it's odd to hear that, it's the first time she has. Most people tend to stay away from her, not that she is ostracized but more that everyone built this border around her to never pass because she's Marshall Stacker Pentecost's adopted daughter and if you get close you're under scrutiny and if you slip up you're done for, no questions asked. Or at least that's what everyone seemed to decide. She's respected well enough, but she fought for it. From a young age, from since the Marshall saved her and then saved her again by taking her in, she knew she wanted to pilot a Jaeger, save someone or someones that were in the helpless situation she found herself in. But she didn't want it handed to her just because of the Marshall, and besides that, he wouldn't just hand it to her. She worked her ass off. Most of the Jaeger revamps and upgrades were specced and brought to life by her, or at least her help. She made her way to be viewed as a peer within everyone here but at the same time, still that space was kept around her.

Until now.

Until Yancy Becket came blazing in here just the night before and it's been so long since she met someone new, someone that didn't know who was her father and what she did exactly around the place. Someone that she could give a bit of her reserved anger out to and met it with some of his self realization in his grief. Somehow, within less of a day, they work well together.

So she gets it. She understands the idea of being a breath of fresh air to him because really, within the stale and metallic cold shatterdome, he is a warm burst of air, somehow, even with all of his grief and sadness. Not what she expected of Yancy Becket, not the man she remembered seeing as a little teenager, running around the academy and looking in awe at all of the Jaeger Pilots in training, but somehow it works out better this way.

She just smiles quietly and nods, "okay," and them start to make their way to the edge of the table that's sort of crowded. She can feel his anxiousness somehow, or rather, she expects it, especially after seeing his breakdown/almost breakdown from just before. Yancy on the outside seemed fine; completely still faced, even pace, looking right ahead, but she could feel the storm coming out from his head and heart. She knew it because she knows how sometimes grief shrivels up your ability to want to react in any way besides get through the damn day and do it, and don't let anyone else know it. She knows he doesn't want to be anywhere around any of these people, and frankly, she doesn't want to be here either. "Did you get to see Gipsy Danger on your tour last night?" She asks him.

He tries to hide it but even he can feel how he lights up a bit at the name of the Jaeger. "No... it was just a quick tour that showed me my room, the bathrooms, the control room, mess hall, training, all of that stuff. The Marshall said he'd show me everything else when I wasn't so exhausted."

She nods and starts walking and Yancy follows, both of them with their trays of food walking right out of the hall and people watch but don't say a thing because they don't know what the two of them are up to or what they even are doing talking to each other, and wonder what'll happen when (not if) the Marshall finds out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's the closest thing he can feel to coming home, he decides. Viewing the Jaeger, _this_ Jaeger, _his_ Jaeger, it's both happy and sad and fills him up and crumbles him down. Gipsy has been not only repaired from her final run all of those years ago, last he saw of (last he felt) she was smoking and broken, but here, high up at level view with the pit where he'd stand and pilot her, she shines. They're still doing work on her, sparks flying near her heart, and it makes her look even more beautiful. 

"It's been so long..." He murmurs to himself as the two sit down, the distance the size of the ghost of his brother between them, and they eat their lunches. Mako tells him how she herself helped with the additions to the Jaeger and he's impressed and interested in what more the Giant has to offer. 

"She's faster, too," Mako remarks, and Yancy quirks an eyebrow at her.

"Oh yeah? So we can go and run in her like Striker likes to show off doing?" He asks, feeling like he's asking on part of who he was and his brother because god, who the hell else is he going to fucking run in a Jaeger with? But Mako let's a small laugh through and nods and he smiles, thinking of how much Raleigh would love it. It slips aloud and he says it, "he'd love that."

"Who would? Love what?"

"Raleigh," Yancy says, clearing his throat from the sudden dryness he feels in it. Mako stills at the name but doesn't interrupt him and he's grateful because it feels like words are bubbling up and out of his throat. "I can see him now, you know? Laughing at the idea. Wanting me and him to get in that chunk of metal and bring her out on a test drive to see how fast we can get her to run. Maybe after all of this even start having Jaeger races against Striker or something." He laughs and shakes his head, his goddamn eyes stinging him yet again for what feels like too many times today.

Mako sees the tears that are threatening and she doesn't want him to cry, doesn't know how to deal with a man that has a good amount of years on her just crying in front of her so she tries to distract him. "Tell me more about him." It worked last time, to distract him with having him talk about this of Raleigh instead of swirling in the death of him, and, if she was being honest with herself, she was intrigued by this character. This dead brother and Jaeger pilot that has been gone for over five years now that she, when younger, caught glances at in the Academy and then on television but nothing more. It felt weird to know real stories and meanings behind these people that were just figures in her head for so long, but she realizes she enjoys it, wants to consume it all. Wants to hear all the happiness that she knows exists in this Becket brother because of the one that's no longer around, and maybe that'll be what gets him to get back on track, gets him to feel the drive and the pride of duty and the need besides the slow churning doldrums of duty he feels now.

He looks at her, surprised that she's asking again for more information on his brother, but he thinks he gets it. Thinks he understands what she's trying to do. He feels more at ease and more human than he has felt for the past five or so years talking about the good moments with his brother. After he died it was all mourning, and then he disappeared amongst people that didn't know the boy, man, so they didn't ask questions. And when he was on the road, well, he talked to absolutely no one, didn't even give out his name willingly and paid with cash for his rooms so his name couldn't spark a memory of years before if there was a chance of doing so. So he just talks without realizing what he's really saying about his brother, but he knows he's laughing and sometimes she is too. He only touches on good parts (not when they were left to be all each other had after mom and dad––), and there were good parts. The two of them really were the prototype of siblings, something within Mako Mori yearning. It's not that she's ungrateful to the Marshall, of course not. It's just there are times when it feels so lonely because she grew up amongst no one her age until now, she's just starting to meet people near enough her age because she's finally of age herself to be in the training. But with the emptiness that Yancy feels missing his brother, she can feel a part of her yearning too, for him, no, wait it's not him, it's for that, that bond. Not just the co–pilot bond that is always regarded as one of the deepest you can ever feel with another, but the simplistic sibling bond, with all of its rivalry and fights and late night secrets.

He takes a breath and realizes that they only have a couple minutes left to wrap up and make it back down to training. "I got carried away, sorry, I just––"

"It's fine," Mako reassures him quickly. "It's nice to hear about Raleigh, and you. It's ... nice."

He smiles sadly and nods. "It just, it feels good, you know? To talk about him like this. I don't feel the need to talk about how he's dead with you, how he died and he was there connected to me and sit here as you give me your condolences and––" He cuts himself off and shakes his head. "Sorry. Rambling again. It's just clearing to be able to not have to go through all that with someone."

"I'm sure you relive it enough in your mind. I'm not going to make you relive it more by saying it to me." He looks at her, surprised, and without telling him it she told him something more about herself. She has a tragedy within her. Alright, that was easy, by now in the war he's pretty sure that everyone has been affected with tragedy and loss within them. But Mako's he's suddenly aware of, as if he just realized that she's carrying it around with her everywhere she goes and just right this moment it's out in the open. But just as quickly it's gone; she has it locked away again and tells him, "let's get back to training."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After lunch goes much quicker than beforehand. There's only a couple left on the list for today, and none of them are even close enough to even be considered a slight or good enough match. Stacker Pentecost grows increasingly frustrated and tells them all to be there the next day ten minutes early. Mako takes notes after notes on her clipboard, crosses things out and writes in margins that don't exist and arrows in directions even she's going to have to put aside a half hour to trudge through, to try and finagle tomorrow's list that they are to go through, hoping that the candidate that will show the compatibility will be earlier in the day because she doesn't want the Marshall even more frustrated. There's so much on his plate already, she can only imagine how a Kaiju attack down one of his already small supply of Jaegers would go.

She spends her night at her desk in her room, drafting and throwing out and redrafting and making lists of all the different statistics and useful background information she learned of the candidates and how they relate to Yancy Becket's. It's a puzzle and she doesn't know how to complete it, if it can even be completed, until she thinks of something. Maybe it's not so much as to forcing the two pieces of the puzzle together, the Yancy piece and mystery co–pilot piece, but rather finding the piece between them within the completed puzzle. Raleigh Becket has been dead for five years but has very much been alive by waging a war within Yancy's mind, body, and spirit, and that has to count for something that all of this information could get through. Not only that, but she already knows from all the data from other teams how co–pilots started developing different tastes and personality quirks from one another after drifting a good amount of times with each other. To really understand Yancy Becket, you have to understand Raleigh Becket and the Yancy Becket from back then that he left with his brother's death.

She sneaks out of her room, goes into the old files into the "DECEASED" file (they really oughta find a better way to organize files) and runs back to her room silently with the file "BECKET, RALEIGH" weighing both a brick and a feather in her hand. She spends her whole night in the file, finding more about him than she could in anyone else's file she's had because when someone is dead, there's going to be nothing else to add. With the prospect of finality within reach, suddenly the person's file becomes packed with every single detail that could possibly be needed in the file, the words DECEASED stamped on the front, and then filed away in the respective cabinet in it's own burial. Mako is thankful for that, because she reads every word and somehow, within it all, can find the man that Yancy Becket used to be within this Raleigh Becket. She finds herself more than once looking back to look at the man's photo in the front and then turning it away, feeling foolish. He's handsome, fine. It's not like there aren't any other handsome men that are around her at all times. Besides, he's _dead_. All there is is just some photograph. The two brothers are similar looking, almost passable for different ages of the same set of twins but there are still differences. Dimples, scars, Yancy's hair is darker than Raleigh's, and that's just visually. She's sure, standing side by side, these two were night and day in the sense of total opposites that exist within the same field. And sure, the day was nice and fine, but it's within the dark that stars shine.

Somewhere, late in the night when her eyes beg for sleep and she just makes another cup of tea, she decides that Raleigh is the night sky to Yancy's day. Even if now there's nothing sunny of Yancy's disposition, but somehow, it fits. 

She tries not to think of why, tries not to think of how she dozes off for a little over an hour and there's a dead man in her dream that's trying to tell her something, she doesn't know what she can't remember and he's just a blur, but she knows who it is because when she wakes up her eyes open to his damn picture in the folder she still has opened. She shuffles it out of her mind, shuffles Raleigh Becket's folder away, and tries to retackle the list of candidates.

She finagles it a bit but it doesn't seem right to her, none of it does. Each candidate seems so specified within an area of Yancy that they can work but the fact of the matter is Yancy needs someone that can _drift_ with him, that can be trusted _fully_ and _wholly_ and she realizes that none of them seem right because none of them are Raleigh Becket. She places the dead Ranger's file back in the cabinet and makes her way back to her room, allowing herself to sleep for a half hour before she's awake again and banging on the door across the hall to her.

She hears Yancy grumbling and shuffling around for a bit and it takes a while but eventually, the door opens and shows a still half asleep Yancy trying to rub sleepers out of his eyes with his old tshirt. He looks at her surprised, or at least how surprised he can get himself to seem. It's so damn early. What the hell is Mako doing standing in front of his door for right now?

"Can I come in?" She asks, her energy buzzing around him and he just nods and shuffles backwards as she closes the door behind her. She sits quickly at his desk without asking, too tired and therefore energized to care for something small like that. He doesn't seem to mind, he just sits back down on his bed and puts his pillow over his head.

"What time is it?" He asks groggily. He knows that he wants to be down at the training area at least an hour before the sessions start again to warm up and put his mind at ease or at least the closest he can get to. It seems Mako has a different idea, seemingly buzzing with energy and information pooling within her.

"It's almost four," she tells him.

"In the morning?" when she nods and lets out an affirmative "mmhmm," he takes the pillow off his head and rests it on his chest as he asks, "have you even slept?" 

She shrugs. "I got in almost an hour." Something about sleeping makes her try to fight a blush, and maybe if he wasn't so damn tired he'd notice it more, question it, but as it is he can barely even imagine the concept of not sleeping right now.

"Okay, okay. I have an inability not to be rude for the most part when I'm woken up in the middle of the night, so please just share with me what you need to do."

She suddenly doesn't know why she's here or what she can say. In reality, Yancy is still someone she barely knows, has only known for one and a half days. She couldn't read in his file how he'd feel if some stranger snuck and got his brother's folder, knows how his mother died and his father left, how Yancy almost blew it all for them in the Academy by thinking of trysts with a certain woman named Naomi in the middle of one of their drops and their brawl that proceeded it. It's not that Mako suddenly knew everything, but she knew more than the amount that Yancy voluntarily gave to her over the past day or two about his brother. Would he stop speaking to her? Decide that if she wanted to know more, she could just stick her nose in all the files she wants? Her stomach trembles and she wishes she had another mug of tea. And a croissant. Two, actually.

"Are you just planning on watching me sleep or do you have something to tell me, Mako?" Yancy asks, getting frustrated. He really isn't a morning person, let alone an oh–four–hundred person.

She blurts it out. "I went through your brother's file." Yancy stares at her, not truly understanding what she's saying and means besides the fact that she's talking about Raleigh. She rushes to continue. "I kept going over your stats and information as well as all the candidates and there was always things missing. And I couldn't figure it out. I thought maybe there's part of you missing within your brother...'s file. So I went and got it, and I've been studying it all night. I've figured out more and yeah, I see what you said when you came in, I can't seem to find one of these candidates that can truly fit with you for drift compatibility." She's up and pacing now, small and full of the energy from the lack of energy, and slowly, with her words and her movements, Yancy wakes up. "So what is there to do? We have battles to wage, the Kaiju aren't going to wait for the perfect candidate to present themself. So I'm going to just say, well, I don't know what to say. I'm––"

She stops talking because Yancy is standing, smiling and looking at her. She's confused, but at least he's not angry and throwing things over the fact that she went through his brother's folder. "Mako, no. No, we were both wrong."

Her eyebrows scrunch up and she's immediately ready to tell him "no!" because there's no way she worked his hard all night to just be told she's wrong. But he's smiling in a way that she saw in his brother's file of the two of them, Rangers–in–training–to–be–copilots, a way that she didn't believe could still crack through the remains of Yancy Becket now.

"We're both wrong," he repeats, shaking his head. "There's someone here I'm drift compatible with." 

She looks back down at her list and starts rummaging through the papers. "Who?"

He stops her hands and when she looks up he's looking down at her and she feels it in her, all she can feel is the thought of _ani, ani, ani_ pulsing through her. And he says, "you."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Marshall Stacker Pentecost dismisses them immediately when they come to him later in the morning. She gives in and tells him later how Stacker adopted her, and the respect and the pride and the overall dynamic between the two suddenly becomes more understanding to Yancy. Pentecost doesn't want to hear any of it and Mako stands there, straight backed and staring, not straight ahead but at him as Yancy tells him how she needs to be put in the test at least. How she's the closest thing he's felt to a connection that could be drift compatible, how there's this part of her that reminds him of his little brother and it's that, not the impending war with certain doom as a consequence, that makes him want to get back into that damn machine. She stands there, watching Stacker for any flickering emotions, and there are some but he doesn't give into it.

Not right away at least.

They go through morning til before lunch again with more trials, and like how Yancy and Mako both know, no one seems to get the connection needed. The Marshall seems more irritable, everyone notices, and it's because he's trying to sniff around to see if maybe Yancy is sabotaging the tests so that he has to try with Mako. But he's not, he's trying just as hard if not maybe harder, to see if maybe there's any possible spark with anyone else, but of course there's not. Not even close. Yancy and Mako eat lunch together again, staring at Gipsy Danger with different eyes than they looked the day before because in their head she's already Theirs. They eat quick and Mako cuts out early to help with the blueprints of one of the new weapons for the Crimson Typhoon while Yancy tries and finds the Marshall again. It's not until after dinner, after all the trials of the day are done again and everyone is ready to wind down and prepare for bed that the Marshall calls forth Yancy and Mako, with no one else around, and let's them test.

In truth, their connection isn't as strong as one could hope for when trying to develop a Ranger team. That's what he decides as the two of them are staring one another down ont the mat, chests heaving in breaths and their positions strong, straight, and ready to strike. But time is not an option and theirs is running out so the Marshall, reluctantly, allows it to go through a test within the drift to see if it's enough. Each team of Rangers has had varying amounts of drift compatibility, sure. It's become a pop culture craze, people calling into psychics to ask if them and their significant other were drift compatible rather than meant for each other. It's eyeroll–worthy material, because where the hell are all of they when they needed more recruits, but what can you do? You keep fighting with what you got.

And this is what he has: one–half of the golden team that's lost most if not all of the shine, and Mako. Mako, his daughter in every way but biological. Could he really throw her out into the world against a beastly Kaiju in a Jaeger?

He knows it's not his choice to make, that in the end she wanted to become a Ranger and here she is, so close she can probably taste it. He listens for the countdown for the neural handshake, and a part of him (a large part of him that he tucks away, keeps hidden, hasn't seen the light of day really since his sister flew off to slay the dragon and never returned) wishes that there wasn't that weak part within him that didn't allow him to pilot another Jaeger, that wants to go out into the fight with Mako and make sure she stayed okay (even though he knows that wouldn't be good, wouldn't be recommended, and that you cannot go into the drift with the idea to protect you co–pilot over anything else). Something within him hurt, and he knew it wasn't his own body weakening but the lost connection of Tamsin still within him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The suit is hard to walk in at first, but it feels good. To Mako it's new and everything she's wanted and she hopes, gosh, she hopes that this works, that they do have the ability to drift because she needs to do this, needs to do her part to make sure the world doesn't end, to make sure her family's spirit can rest at ease finally and to make sure that she does everything she can until she can't anymore, just like her sensei. To Yancy it feels like a second skin that he forgot about. One that feels like what he was five years ago, and he's not sure if he's comfortable with it or not but it's...good. It's tight but he feels like it's the first time he can breathe deep in a long time.

They're alone within the Jaeger, within Gipsy Danger and are connected to the machinery, listening to the voice telling them that their neural handshake is coming within thirty seconds. _Twenty–nine._ Mako takes a deep breath and has her eyes closed, relaxes everything within her and just tries to embody the feeling of being open because this has to work, her and Yancy have to be connected in the drift and it has to be strong. With the ability to be a Ranger so close to her right now, she can't even imagine letting it go now.

"How are you feeling?" Yancy calls at her from her right. 

"Nervous."

She tries to picture it and she can feel that she does correctly to think that he's smiling at her answer. "Don't worry. All that'll happen is that I'll know everything about you and you'll know everything about me."

She brushes off a snort. Like that's what she was nervous about. No, this is just the defining moment of her life, the moment that will either let her go forth and be a Ranger, or the reason she has to stay back behind the scenes.

"Any last minute secrets you want to tell me?" He asks her.

She's smiling and she's thankful that he's doing this, that she's out of her mind's quiet frenzy. "Nah. What about you?" _Ten seconds._

"Not worth it. You'll know it soon enough. Though I'm sure the next time we eat lunch together there will be more to talk about."

They both return to quiet and the countdown sounds off until the voice says "Neural Handshake, initiating."

And then. And _then._

And then time seems both to hold still and throw itself against Mako and Yancy as they're thrown into the drift. Snippets of memories and thoughts pass through the both of them of each other, Raleigh thrumming through all of them more than anything else. And then there's a moment where it all seems to stop, where the drift is completely silent and Mako and Yancy are standing there facing each other. This is the True Drift, the edges of each other's minds forming this quick silent universe where the two meet and meld. But it's not just the two of them, Mako realizes, because right next to Yancy is Raleigh, Raleigh's ghost, whatever the hell it is, and he's reaching out to Mako. Mako's not sure if she's supposed to say anything, and Yancy looks at her just as surprised as she feels, but she reaches back and takes Raleigh's hands.

Yancy and Mako are thrown back into their positions as co–pilots of Gipsy Danger, breathing hard.

"How are we doing there, Gipsy?" Tendo's voice comes through.

 _Raleigh, Raleigh, Raleigh, Raleigh, Raleigh, Raleigh, Raleigh––_ Yancy's mind is a swarm of bees that just buzz and sting the word over and over again and it's all that Mako can hear. 

_Yancy! Yancy!_

_Mako.... what the hell was that... Raleigh––_

_Tendo's calling for us._

"Gipsy? You there?" There's other voices in the background that can be heard ––  _no sir, they're not out of alignment but something does seem ... odd_ –– as Mako tries to direct Yancy's, no, their brains towards testing out the Jaeger and to deal with the fact that Raleigh is somehow somewhere in their mind drift.

"We're here," Yancy finally let's them know and Mako breathes a sigh of relief. Yancy's trying to stop his brain about thinking of it, but his mind is about to teeter over with memories, both good and bad, of Raleigh. _Don't chase the RABITs Mako. Remember that. Okay? I'm sorry, I'm ... I'm right shit at this right now. You'd think I'd be better at this with my experience wouldn't you?_

 _You know what they say, Yancy. If the drift is there, the pilots can get through it._ But this time when she says it to Yancy she's telling it to him through their minds, she's there in his and he's there in hers and there it is, the true belief within that that was missing from her reciting it earlier.

He smirks. _The drift is there, Mako. Definitely. Alright, let's show them what we've got._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The test is a success, for the most part. The fact of the matter is it's almost not, they almost fall into their own and each other's memories ( _Mama, papa, where are you, where am I, please, please come back my shoe, I can't get it back on it doesn't fit, I don't know where I am, it's so quiet, I miss you, please, come back please,_ morphing into _Let's go fishing, ten lives are worth it, we have the ability to save them, let's, we've got him, Yancy we've won, Yancy he's coming back, Yancy I'm sorry about –– Yancy, Yancy! Yancy!_ ), but the both of them are determined to not fall into them, to not chase after the RABITs and mess up the test run, determined to stay a team and not have any reason to not stay a team, to not give them any excuse saying either one of them are not ready. They are ready.

There's a quick briefing that for the most part the two of them don't pay attention to because they're paying attention to the space between the two of them, to how they automatically left that much room in between the two of them and it's the space that would be needed for another Becket brother. Mako's mind is in whirlwind, hyperactively attuned to Yancy and all around them, as if it's searching, prodding for this third presence that most definitely was somehow there but now isn't. Yancy feels on edge and it's a gift when they're dismissed for their lunch. It's becoming their Thing before they even became co–pilots he figures, but this time when they walk into the mess hall the place erupts in a quick congratulatory for them on their successful drift test and team creation. They make their way to getting their food, stop to say something to a couple of people, and then slink out of there quick, to their place where they can look over at Gipsy Danger.

"How'd it feel in there?" Yancy asks her when they sit. But he knows it, doesn't he? He knows how she felt––

"I felt alive," She answers and he nods. He didn't remember how alive he truly was until he got in that machine. 

They're both quiet again and they don't know how to talk about it. They both know the other is thinking about it, wondering about how to discuss it, but how do you actually put the words to it? 

Footsteps approach from behind them. "Alright Team Gipsy Danger. What are you hiding from me?" It's Tendo Choi and he leans against a beam and stares at them with his arms crossed and his eyebrow up.

Both of them don't even have to look at each other, and it's almost as if they're back in the drift and can hear each other both think at the same time, don't tell him. "What do you mean?" Yancy asks.

Tendo sighs. "Listen, just because I'm not in that mind meld of yours doesn't mean I don't know that something out of the ordinary was going on. The readings were weird during your drift. You almost chased, I thought you were going to, one of you, to be honest, but you were able to keep it back. And it's odd because the drift shouldn't be as strong as it is. You two have the ability to drift of course, and do it successfully, but not as well as you did. So, are you going to tell me what you know or are you going to make me pick it apart and figure it out?"

The two of them are silent and thinking, neither understanding it. Tendo rakes his hands through his hair, messing it up a bit and surely he's going to be pissed about that later probably, but he doesn't even care right now because these two are a headache of their own. "I'm trying to think of all the different Ranger teams I know of, trying to remember if there are any overlapping..." His eyes narrow and he's quiet. Mako and Yancy look at him and wait. His next question knocks them off guard. "Mako, did you ever meet Marshall Pentecost's co–pilot that was passed out when he saved you?" 

"Yes," she answers unsurely. "Yeah, I met her once, at the hospital. Before she––" she cuts off and shakes her head. "Why?"

"You know how she and the Marshall became co–pilots?"

"They were friends, almost like siblings by the time they co–piloted. They joined the academy together after the death of his sister in an attack."

Tendo nods, at them and at himself and continues working. "Right. So the fact of the matter is was this tragedy and death laid between the two of them, and that's what made them drift compatible. This third person that died that linked the two of them so closely, that was closer to the two of them than the two were originally to each other, and became a sort of bind in their mind meld. Luna Pentecost was this to Stacker and Tamsin. He's talked to me only once about it all, and from what I know of it, she definitely was a Presence within their neural handshake."

"So you're saying that Raleigh is what's bridging us together and how our drift was so strong?" Yancy asks.

Tendo smirks. "I didn't say any names, but you did just answer my question. Raleigh. Really? I have to look back at your stats during the drift, see if I can pick up anything else––"

"Tendo, we have a war to fight, you know. Maybe we can deal with this afterwards?" Yancy asks, exhausted at the thought of the idea of trying to pick apart how much of a presence his brother has within him.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm still going to keep an eye on it though. I have to."

"But, I've never met him. Raleigh." His name feels like leather on her tongue and Mako tries to force out the fact that she dreamed about this damn stranger out of her brain, that she apparently is drift compatible with because he's dead and he's not her co–pilot, his brother is. "How can that work if we've never met?"

Tendo shakes his head. "Hell if I know, Mako. There's a lot within the drift that we don't know or can't explain, maybe never will be able to. What we do know is that memories live there, and sometimes, strong enough memories make a presence. Maybe in a couple years we'll find out that the drift is a sort of in–between of worlds and within the areas of mind–meld the dead press against it, sometimes coming through. I don't know. I don't know what to even consider that is possible or not possible since working that ferry and watching the first Kaiju attack. But it's there, and as long as the two of you think you can handle it, for now it'll be fine." He's looking at Yancy though even though they both feel it, feel their minds scraping around for the other presence that was in the drift, yearning, reaching, but not being able to reach far enough.

"We're fine." Yancy says, and even he is surprised at how strong his voice sounds.

Tendo nods. "Right then. You have the rest of the day off, technically, and we'll start more training tomorrow." He didn't have to say the other warning, to listen for the alarms, that alarms meant no time off and no time to train, there's a Kaiju and they're shipping out then.

They're quiet as they listen to the fading footsteps and stare at the Jaeger in front of them. Their Jaeger, all three of them, Mako's and Yancy's and Raleigh's, wherever the hell he is.

"When is the next Kaiju attack supposed to come?" Yancy asks.

"By the end of the week. Doctor Gottlieb insists it'll be sooner though."

Yancy nods. "We'll be ready." Mako nods in return. _All of us will be._


End file.
